Mitt Romney Grounds Big Bird: It Takes a Tough Man to Fire a Tender, Fictional Chicken

In his well-rehearsed litany of vagueness and lies, Mitt Romney chose to get specific and truthful about one thing during Wednesday night’s debate: his willingness to fricassee Big Bird from Sesame Street.

I’m not sure why Republicans are so dense about human emotion, but apparently Mitt believed that skewering America’s avian sweetheart would win him street cred for being tough on “frills.” What this guy is too obtuse to realize is that, like the infamous 47% comment, this was a statement that would instantly alienate hordes of potential voters. He might as well have told us that he killed Bambi’s mother. ("Damn right I did. Hate that bitch. And her crack babies. One less doe living off entitlements.")

When you’re faced with a country as fearful and struggling as America has been in the last 4 years, you just don’t pull away its teddy bears. Even someone who hasn’t raised kids can tell you that much.

Mitt wonders why he can’t seem to capture the female voter. Great mystery of mysteries. Could it be that women realize that a man this oafish is probably not only bad in bed, but is also going to be clumsy with the things that matter--number one of which is human emotion? Could it be that a guy who lies, calls us derogatory names, and offers to slaughter our children’s beloved video playmate might not make such a great president—or human being?

Guys like Mitt are the smirking frat boys so cut off from human emotion that they think it’s a bright idea to make new pledges drink beer and urine to the point of near death. For whatever reason, they have not been raised to understand what makes people human or to have empathy for those less fortunate. They believe that the only thing that makes life worth living is making a killing off the work of others, whom they have no qualms about exploiting. And thus, the arts and educational TV fall into the category of “fluff”—unless of course they’re cashing in on a Sesame Street marketing venture. In that case, get that cuddly puppet in there and make him dance!!

And then there's Romney’s conflation of public broadcasting with Sesame Street. It strongly implies that this candidate for president has spent no time watching or listening to media other than mainstream—perhaps, like so many conservatives, only Fox News. That he has not experienced the broad-based education that NPR and PBS imparts to adults on an hourly basis. I don’t discriminate against Romney for being Mormon; however, it does concern me that a member of a conservative religious cult might be biased against proper critical thinking. That he might not understand that education offers perspectives other than those proclaimed by a preacher and mandated by a controlling religion.

Either that or he understands it all too well. As Orwell showed in 1984, when there's no truth in media, it's easier to manipulate the masses.

PBS and NPR deliver such valuable programming that their audiences actually pay money to keep them on the air (and willingly endure tedious fund drives twice a year). Ninety-one percent of all American households tune in every year, including 81 percent of all kids age 2-8. The measly $400 million allowance the government gives them ($1.35/person per year) isn’t actually enough to cover expenses. Hell, Ann Romney complains that her family is struggling with its $250 million, so you can only imagine how strapped PBS must be. The fact that Mitt is ready to shred other perspectives than his own solipsistic worldview should tell you all you need to know about what his presidency would look like. 

It would be a fine day when we didn’t have to utilize a TV for education, but in some neighborhoods, the other options can often be bleak or nonexistent. Sadly, underprivileged kids sometimes learn more from Sesame Street than they do in their pathetically underfunded schools. And what’s a guy like Mitt going to do when he realizes that there’s no money in the education game? Either institute cheap programs that yield nothing (like Bush’s No Child Left Behind), or cut it completely. Because he may think your kid’s just as cute as a muppet, but he’s not going to “borrow from China” to fund the frill of educating him. And with his plan to hike the military budget by $2 trillion, you better buy some flour, 'cause there's gonna be a lot of bake sales.

Montage by Heidi Utz

Romney and his peers love imagining that they’re Clint Eastwood, walking tall, talking tough, while eviscerating the very programs that keep people alive, fed, healthy, and sane. They pretend that life is divided into 2 camps: those who are “too lazy” to work and those, like themselves, who have pulled themselves up by their $10,000 boots’ straps. The GOP enjoys drawing these broad generalizations because it allows them to dehumanize the very people who must use these programs, so they then have no qualms about cutting them and making more money.

Wouldn’t it be nice if their version actually was the truth? If the key to life was simply a matter of rousing the indolent? Probably Stephen Covey or Tony Robbins or any number of motivational speakers could take on that little quandary in an afternoon. Stick their manifold lazy asses in a room with Covey and presto!, their Franklin Planners would brim with purposeful living. Sunny day, sweepin' the clouds away! But what Romney and the other boys with the $250 million bank accounts fail to notice is that some people are legitimately sick, out of work, mentally ill, addicted, disabled, filled with PTSD, unable to put in a full day’s work due to causes completely outside their control. Like prolonged military service and bad genes and environmental toxicity and voices in their heads they can’t silence. And maybe, if we were any kind of a nation—or any kind of human beings—we might put some effort into caring for their needs rather than sucker-punching big yellow Muppets.